Your gain: Understand frequency and vibrational levels during grief, and how keeping them high can positively affect coping with grief, loss, and improve your daily life–loss or not!
So, what the heck is a “high frequency” and “vibrations” anyway? The way I’ve come to understand these things is actually quite scientific, but was actually introduced to me by a friend with a whole lot of wisdom.
Hear me out on this next part.
Called Out On My Low Frequency
Back in spring of 2020, this low frequency I was giving off wasn’t even so focused on the loss of my parents. Well, that’s not entirely true. Of course it was. But I was already processing the anticipatory grief of losing my father, and mom was already gone.
It was really in relation to the breakup I was going through with my now-husband, John, because that still felt “alive” and unfinished. Bottom line, I was in hell.
Anyway, she said two very poignant things to me. I’m paraphrasing now, but one was the advice that I needed to surround myself with more high vibrational, high frequency people. She didn’t feel that was the case with John at the time, and she was absolutely correct. That breakup was sucking me dry, and the unknown was crippling. I was deeply, deeply broken.
Which leads me to the next thing she said. She felt I was operating at a low vibrational level, and she could even feel it emanating from me.
Dissecting This Low Frequency
First of all, I have to ask you… have you ever had someone say this to you? Or, that your aura is coming off a certain way? It’s a humbling thing to have someone say to you.
Second of all, yeah… hi, parents were dying over here! I have no doubt I was off. What can you expect out of someone going through a massive death and breakup all at once?
So let me say this to you if this is you right now: give yourself permission to have a lower frequency right now. It’s A-OK. The goal is to heighten this, though, and that’s what I hope this blog post will help you do.
The thing is, I’m SO glad she said it. That one sentence of wisdom changed the way I felt about my relationships with people forever, really. Yeah, it was that profound.
Let’s get into this, because this is honestly so important whether or not you’re even experiencing a loss.
What Is a Vibrational Level?
Donna Eden, energy healer and leading proponent of Energy Medicine in America says it well: “Every single person has different vibrations, representing who you are. They also reflect what you’ve gone through and going through at the moment.”
What does all of this really mean? Basically, the higher your vibration is, the more in touch you are with your higher self. Your inner “God/Goddess,” Divinity, Consciousness, Holiness, Soul, or whatever word out there best describes your true nature that resonates with you.
This also means that the lower your vibration is, the more out of sync you are with your higher nature, and therefore the more conflict you may experience in life.
Examples of Low and High Vibrations
If you find yourself constantly fighting with emotions like anger, jealousy, bitterness, pessimism, guilt or blame, you may be caught up in a low vibration. But not to worry, there are ways to ease out of it! To give you a better idea of what low vs. high vibrational levels may look like, take a look below.
Low Vibrational Level Examples
- You feel “stuck” or stranded in life, not knowing what to do next.
- You struggle with apathy or an uncaring attitude towards yourself and others.
- You are emotionally distant.
- You struggle with constant fatigue and lethargy.
- You often struggle with despair and desperation.
- You find it difficult to get “unstuck” from old habits.
- You harbor feelings of resentment and jealousy.
- You find it hard to forgive yourself other people.
- You suffer from guilt (i.e. you constantly feel guilty about something/or seek things out to feel guilty about).
- You find it hard to see the beauty in life.
- You feel unfulfilled.
- Your connections with others constantly bring you pain.
- You easily fall into victim-based mindsets.
- You focus primarily on the negative in life.
- You struggle to feel gratitude.
High Vibrational Level Examples
- You are self-aware (i.e. you are conscious of what you are saying, doing, thinking and feeling, as well as the effect this has on others).
- You are empathetic towards others’ needs and you make a habit of seeing through the eyes of other people.
- You are emotionally balanced.
- You feel connected to that which is “beyond” you (e.g. life, divinity, love).
- You have a great sense of humor towards life.
- You don’t take yourself too seriously.
- You regularly feel gratitude for what you have in life.
- You do not “need” anything to feel happy.
- You are in-tune with your body and its needs.
- You nurture yourself often.
- You nurture others often.
- You often experience synchronicity.
- You live in the present more than the past or future.
One of the easiest ways to determine whether you are vibrating at a high or low frequency is by paying attention to how you feel physically. Do you feel light, energized, clear minded and healthy? Chances are you have a high vibration. On the other hand, if you feel weighed down, repressed, or oppressed, you are most likely operating on a low vibration.
What Is Emotional Vibrational Frequency?
Everything is energy and has a vibration. Seriously… everything. That chair you’re sitting in right now or that floor you’re standing on, to the phone in your hand to the shades of color you see. And, most importantly for you reading this today: your thoughts. Everything vibrates at different frequencies.
In her book Frequency: The Power of Personal Vibration, Penney Peirce explains how we all have personal vibrations that radiate from our being and can change depending on what we’re thinking, feeling, and our actions.
“You can let your personal vibration match the world’s chaotic soup of frequencies and feel buffeted about helplessly, or you can determine how you want to feel… Your personal vibration or energy state is a blend of the contracted or expanded frequencies of your body, emotions, and thoughts at any given moment. The more you allow your soul to shine through you, the higher your personal vibration will be.” – Penney Peirce
This excerpt from Authenticity Associates Coaching and Counseling pretty much nails it.
“What you think of as emotion is actually the experience of energy moving through your physical body. We experience emotion as energy frequencies and their correlating physical sensations in the body such as expansion or contraction. Feelings are the interpretation and labels we apply to the experience of emotion, such as sad, mad, or glad.”
How Positive (and Negative) Vibrations Affect Us
We’re not only affected by our own vibrations, but from those around us, too. Have you ever walked into a room, or witnessed someone walk in, in a truly terrible mood? Perhaps you felt a very subtle but undeniable shift in the air that you couldn’t quite explain. Whatever it was, it was more negative than moments before. Yep, that’s a real thing you’re feeling. Vibrations can be felt from people, places, and things around us. With that, it makes sense that vibrations can affect us both positively and negatively.
The good news? We get to decide what frequency and at what level of vibration we want to live in. We get to decide how people, places and things influence us for the better or worse.
Negative Frequency Around a Loss
When my mom was close to passing and for weeks afterward, there were two friends of hers I would speak to on the phone every week or two. They both had different ways of bringing my frequency level down, but the result was always the same. After, I hung up the phone feeling drained, used, unfulfilled, and like I had just spent the last hour comforting them when I needed supportive people around me more than ever. I was the one needing my cup filled. I was the one seeing her decline in that hospital, ya know?
Have you ever felt this way? Has there ever been someone in your orbit that has done this to you?
They weren’t adding anything positive or beautiful to my life, and were unknowingly taking from me in a time when I needed to be built up. There came a point where I got really good at recognizing when things were going in a negative direction. That’s when I would try and politely excuse myself from the phone call.
Eventually, I stopped allowing those calls altogether or only responded when I knew I was in a better headspace. Sadly, one of the relationships I had to cut off completely because of how out of hand and inappropriate it was getting (not in a truly awful way, but certainly some unnecessary or borderline comments).
Now, this was before frequency levels were introduced to me in a really personal way. But had I known what I know now, I would NOT have given them the power to take my dwindling energy from me, let me tell ya.
Flow at a Higher Frequency
What’s amazing about all of this is that our lives expand when we’re living at a higher vibrational level. Our lives begin to flow differently (and, duh, for the better!). Have you ever had one of those days where it felt like Murphy’s Law was out to get you? Literally every possible thing that could go wrong, did?
Frequencies Affecting Each Other
My husband and I experienced a day of that the day before our second wedding ceremony, and it was a fun little test for our relationship, that’s for sure. We had to run a last-minute errand we didn’t expect, which then put us behind in getting our rental car. We get to the rental car office, and the office wasn’t where the map said it was.
Then, had to sprint across a huge parking lot to where it actually was, only to stand in a line for an hour (they don’t move quickly in Italy). Couldn’t find our car in the lot for over 20 minutes, got stuck at a tollbooth for over 30 minutes on the way down to Siena, missed a wine tasting… need I go on? I’ll spare you. There are worse things to happen in the world.
A Conscious Effort
Point being, we had to work especially hard that day not to allow each other’s frequencies get too low. As two deeply connected people, it’s easy to bounce those vibrations off each other throughout the day. He was getting cranky and negative so I started feeling more cranky and negative than I already was.
Almost like, if he’s hurting or in a bad mood, my mood is affected and vice versa. Empaths have an especially difficult time with this because they feel the emotions of others so personally. It’s critical to put in the work to experience your own feelings independent of another so you can maintain your own high, happy and healthy frequency. And then, emanate that so other people can soak it up too.
The more you allow yourself to live in that low frequency, the more you’re allowing yourself to succumb to weakened energy. Dr. Wayne Dyer writes about this in his book “The Power of Intention”.
“The higher your energy, the more capable you are of nullifying and converting lower energies, which weaken you.”
Frequency During Grief
When I was going through the lowest of my lows, you can imagine how atrocious my frequency level was. I’m sure you’ve felt yours affected, too. If you’re here because you’ve been through some form of loss, I know you feel me on this! And some moments can be WAY lower than others. Talk about exhausting, right?!
It took a lot of hard work, boundary setting, and giving myself grace to raise my frequency levels and feel like a functioning human being again. But, in my own time. You can’t force it if it’s not there, but remember that baby steps are important.
These tips to raise your frequency I’m about to share I’ve applied to my daily life, even outside of any loss I’ve experienced. It’s a beautiful way to acknowledge your self worth and bring in ALL those positive vibes for yourself and those around you.
Having a little trouble finding ways to raise your vibrational level? You’re not alone. Check out these 20 ways to raise your frequency and promote that self care and love you so desperately deserve.
20 Ways to Raise Your Frequency
- Surround yourself with positive, happy, growth-mindset people
- Recite positive affirmations
- Practice self-love
- Practice living in the present
- Be aware of your emotions
- Focus on three highlights and three things you’re thankful for each day (these can be even the smallest things!)
- Focus on positive thoughts, beliefs, and optimism (this includes believing in yourself)
- Surround yourself in nature
- Clear away mental and emotional clutter
- Declutter and organize your physical living space to be bright and clean
- Honor yourself and your choices
- Be kind and compassionate, even when you’re not feeling very giving
- Smile and laugh
- Get good, healthy sleep
- Exercise (whatever this looks like to you–running, weight training, yoga, etc.)
- Meditate and practice visualization
- Surround yourself with a high-energy field and environment
- Enjoy aromatherapy (and/or incense)
- Maintain a healthy diet and drink lots of water
- Watch quality shows that make you feel happy, but also have the awareness to unplug
Get Your Freebie From Me!
I have THREE free tools you can take advantage of if you’re ready to step up your grief work. I’m so, so excited to share these with you. My Gratitude in Grief Journal Prompt, From Grief to Grinning Toolkit, and A Practice in Presence Toolkit are ready and waiting for you to download, all you have to do is click here or the button below.